Writing Tips
for clarity and concisenessArchive for July, 2007
meaning what?
Last week, I came across the following quote in a book about finances:
Most large brokerage houses will not touch speculative transactions to protect themselves and their clients.
At first reading, the meaning is not clear because the order is odd. Changing the order and adding a comma would correct that:
To protect themselves and their clients, most large brokerage houses will not touch speculative transactions.
The purpose of a comma is to denote a slight pause, and when it’s in the right place, it helps readers arrive at the end without a hitch. Alternatively, when a comma is someplace it doesn’t belong, it interrupts the flow. Here’s an example from the same book:
One type of taxation, is a tax on “real property.”
Do you see how the flow stops right after the comma? Removing the comma would fix this problem:
One type of taxation is a tax on “real property.”
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repetition
Beware of words and phrases that you really like, as they invite repetition. In a novel that I was reading the other day, I came across two instances of unnecessary repetition in two pages.
One sentence read, “She could almost breathe in the past,” and the very next sentence began, “Now, she could almost see the tall wooden fort that had once stood on the hill.”
If the author or editor had noticed the repetition, he/she might have increased tension and interest by combining the two sentences above into one: “Breathing in the past, she could almost see the tall wooden fort that had once stood on the hill.”
On the next page, the repetition was in one sentence: “Faint sounds of a vehicle brought her thoughts back to the present, and the village dissolved back to two acres of ground littered with evidence of past habitation.”
A possible fix might look something like this:
“Faint sounds of a vehicle brought her thoughts back to the present, and her vision dissolved into a harsh reality: the once-vibrant village was now just two acres of ground littered with evidence of past habitation.”
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question mark punctuation
Both speakers and writers often use question mark punctuation incorrectly.
For example, unless the speaker/writer of the sentence below wants to broadcast her own insecurity and is looking for approval, the question mark doesn’t belong there:
“Then I asked her if she owns her home?”
The next example is a direct question. In this case, the question mark is correct:
“Do you own your home?”
You can also use a question mark to express surprise or confusion:
“You went to Iceland last weekend?”
For more information about question mark punctuation, see The Chicago Manual of Style.
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rule of thumb
I used the expression “rule of thumb” in a recent post, then regretted it. Why? Because I value kindness and equality.
One source of this colorful expression is the ancient rule that no man could use a stick wider than his thumb to beat his wife. Thus, “rule of thumb.”
Rather than contribute to the use of an expression with such dismal associations, I have deleted it from the other post. I’m using it here to increase awareness of one of its earliest meanings.
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
as
Unless the writer uses “as” carefully, this tiny word can create some very strange images. Here’s a typical example:
“As a young girl, my father paid me $1 for every A and 50 cents for every B on my report card.”
Do you see the problem? The sentence above says that when the writer’s father was a young girl, he paid her $1 for every A and 50 cents for every B on her report card.
Of course, the writer intended to say that when she was a young girl, her father paid her $1 for every A and 50 cents for every B on her report card.
Here is another example of the misuse of “as:”
“As a young boy, we did not have any ethnic restaurants nearby. Now, there are hundreds!”
In this case, the literal message is that when we were a young boy, we didn’t have any ethnic restaurants nearby.
To make the intended meaning clear, the speaker/writer could put it this way:
“When I was a young boy, there were no ethnic restaurants nearby. Now, there are hundreds!”
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
smiled
Word usage doesn’t matter much if your audience doesn’t know or care about proper English.
But if you’re a professional communicator, or you’re trying to impress a group of people you don’t know well, it matters a lot.
So avoid replicating the following example. It may strike you as a dandy shortcut, but it is a glaring instance of shoddy language:
“That’s right,” Jim smiled.
What’s wrong with it? It squeezes the words and the smile into one, and in the English language, they are separate. This would be correct:
“That’s right,” Jim said with a smile.
It’s a small thing, but it can make a big difference to your audience.
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
indignity
Here’s another example of using the wrong word:
“You never needed George anyway,” my aunt said with indignity.
Oops. Let’s see. Indignity is a noun. It means “a loss of dignity or honor.” Was the aunt in the example above displaying a lack of dignity or honor?
No. She was expressing indignation, which is also a noun. Here’s an example of conveying this message with correct word usage:
“You never needed George anyway,” my aunt said with indignation.
Or, you could use the adverb form, which means “filled with or marked by indignation.” Here’s what it would look like:
“You never needed George anyway,” my aunt said indignantly.
Word usage is tricky. Be on your guard.
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intimidation
Before using a word in a sentence, make sure that you know exactly what it means. Otherwise, your message won’t be clear. Here’s an example:
“I nodded my head quickly, but with a little intimidation.”
Huh? Remember Winning through Intimidation, by Wayne Dyer? Could the writer mean that she sometimes wins through intimidation by nodding her head in a certain way?
Actually, she meant this:
“I nodded my head quickly, but I felt a little intimidated.”
Be kind to the English language. Get to know words before you use them.
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
