Writing Tips
for clarity and concisenessArchive for May, 2008
Vocabulary Contest — Hint
Here is the vocabulary contest sentence::
The darkness said nothing when the light spoke; and the light shown in that darkness and the darkness was not.
Here’s the hint: the incorrect word is a homophone–that is, it sounds like another word that is spelled differently and has a different meaning. For example, to, too, and two are homophones.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Vocabulary Contest
This one is a piece of cake, folks: find the error in the sentence below. I’ll mention in this blog the name of the first person who responds with the correct answer.
Here’s the sentence:
The darkness said nothing when the light spoke; and the light shown in that darkness and the darkness was not.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Call Up or Call On?
In yesterday’s post, I suggested the following alternative for a sentence I worked with:
The House Judiciary Committee wants to be able to call on presidential aides to testify at the Committee’s whim.
This morning I noticed that I had automatically changed call up to call on. To find out why, I turned to the Online Dictionary to clarify the differences between the two phrases:
Call on: To order or request to undertake a particular activity.
Call up: To summon to active military service.
As I see it, the House Judiciary Committee simply wants Karl Rove to testify. That’s why call on appeals to me. In contrast, Rove’s use of the phrase call up suggests that from his perspective, the Committee wants to engage him in battle.
Well, heck; it’s his sentence, not mine. He has every right to say what he means. So call up it is.
Questions? Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Rovian Usage
In a May 25 interview on ABC’s “This Week,” former White House official Karl Rove made it clear that he has no intention of complying with the subpoena the House Judiciary Committee recently served on him. He said:
The House Judiciary Committee wants to be able to call presidential aides on its whim up to testify.
Though Rove didn’t put this in writing, it’s such a fine example of intriguing usage that I can’t resist the urge to take a close look at it.
Notice the odd placement of the word up, which would work better in a different location:
The House Judiciary Committee wants to be able to call up presidential aides on its whim to testify.
To be even more clear, I’d relocate to testify and make a slight change in wording, as follows::
The House Judiciary Committee wants to be able to call up presidential aides to testify at the Committee’s whim.
By the way, if you’d like to see a Constitutional scholar’s view of the Rove subpoena, see Jonathan Turley’s blog.
Questions? Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Conjunction Interruptus
This sentence has been twisting my mind around for days:
He’s likely to get as many if not more than she is.
As many as and more than are subordinating conjunctions that make comparisons. But in the sentence above, the writer truncated the first comparison by omitting the final essential word as:
To fix it, try this:
He’s likely to get as many as, if not more than, she is.
Another way to do this is to add the missing information and use only one subordinating conjunction:
He’s likely to get as many votes as she is, if not more.
Questions? Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Who or Whom?
Whether to use who or whom is often confusing. Here’s an example of an incorrect choice:
I haven’t spoken publicly until now as to who I would vote for.
The sentence should actually read like this:
I haven’t spoken publicly until now as to whom I would vote for.
Why? Because the subject of the dependent clause “as to whom I would vote for” is I, and whom is the object of the preposition for.
By the way, don’t worry about the outdated rule against ending a sentence in a preposition, which The Chicago Manual of Style describes as “an unnecessary and pedantic restriction” and “an ill-founded superstition.”
Questions? Comments? Let me hear from you.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Concise–TOO Concise
It’s a good policy to keep your writing concise, tight. But it’s equally important to include all the essential words. Here’s an example of how omitting an essential word can change the meaning:
Together, we can spread the dire need of the environment in our land.
Surely the writer didn’t intend to applaud the spread of what is already a dire environmental need! It’s a safe bet that the intended meaning was something like this:
Together, we can spread awareness of the dire need of the environment in our land.
Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Description
A few days ago, I came across this sentence in a novel:
His eyes were gray, flecked with dark blue, the colors of smoke at twilight.
At first reading, I thought that “colors” should be singular rather than plural, and the sentence should read like this:
His eyes were gray, flecked with dark blue, the color of smoke at twilight.
Then I realized that the author had found a way to describe a character’s eyes in exquisite detail. The eyes are not just grey/blue. They are “…gray, flecked with dark blue, the colors of smoke at twilight.” Wow!
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Run-on Sentence
Writers who create long sentences risk losing track of what they’re doing. Here’s an example:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French, as much to practice a language he himself found fascinating as well as to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges.
Do you see the problem? The sentence veers off track at the last clause, where the writer used “as much to” with “as well as.” To be correct, it should read like this:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French, as much to practice a language he himself found fascinating as to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges.
Or this:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French, not only to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges, but also to practice a language he himself found fascinating.
Notice that in the previous two examples, Mason’s primary purpose was to teach French to Simon. In this next example, his primary purpose is to practice French himself; teaching French to Simon is secondary:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French, to practice a language he himself found fascinating as well as to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges.
The last two examples give equal importance to Mason’s two goals–to practice French and to teach French to Simon:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French, both to practice a language he himself found fascinating and to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges.
In the final example below, I have broken the original sentence into two, to illustrate that it’s easier to keep track of a short sentence than a long one:
When Simon turned twelve, Mason–who was now in his sixty-fourth year and beginning to suffer from palsey–began to teach the boy French. Mason had two purposes: to practice a language he himself found fascinating and to further cultivate Simon’s appreciation of mental challenges.
Questions? Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Emphasis
Here’s a simple example of using emphasis when it isn’t needed:
That is an extremely revolutionary step.
Since “revolutionary” is already extreme, preceding it with the word “extremely” is extra.
Here’s a cleaner and simpler way to express the same thing–and also assure readers that you know what you’re doing:
That is a revolutionary step.
Any comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
http://www.taratreasurefield.com
