Writing Tips
for clarity and concisenessArchive for August, 2008
Comma (not)
The Copyeditor’s Handbook author Amy Einsohn offers a clear and simple rule for one of the cases in which a comma is not appropriate:
Do not insert a comma between a subject and the second member of a compound predicate.
An example follows.
They spent every cent that came in, and piled up hefty credit card debt on top of it.
The compound predicate is “spent every cent” and “piled up hefty credit card debt.” It should read like this:
They spent every cent that came in and piled up hefty credit card debt on top of it.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Syntax Afflictions Contest
I just LOVE sentences with syntax afflictions.
Here are two for your enjoyment. In a future post, I’ll mention the first person to send in cures for both of them.
His wife was in the studio, a radiating woman named Angela.
The bar was on the wall near the dining room, an oak cabinet on claw feet.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Restrictive vs. nonrestrictive clause (a comedian’s view)
Georg Muntingh in Norway wrote that my recent post about the comma and restrictive and nonrestrictive clauses reminded him of something comedian Demetri Martin once said.
According to Georg, Demetri told of a time that he was in a clothing store, picking out a few things to try on. As he walked toward the dressing room, the attendant said, “If you need anything, my name is Jill.”
The story goes that Demetri said to himself, “That’s amazing! I never met anyone with a conditional [restrictive] identity before.” Since Jill had just told him that her name changes with the circumstances, he imagined her saying, “If you don’t need anything, my name is Eugene.”
How could Jill make it clear that her name is the same, whether her customers need something or not? Simple. Change the restrictive clause to something that makes sense and put her name in a nonrestrictive clause, like this:
If you need anything, just ask for me; my name is Jill.
Questions? Comments?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Comma (and restrictive vs. nonrestrictive clause)
In a previous post, I wrote that using a comma after an introductory dependent clause is standard practice, no thinking required. To refresh your memory, here’s a sentence that begins with an introductory dependent clause:
If you’d like to go to Europe next summer, let’s get together and make some plans!
Things aren’t quite so simple when the dependent clause follows an opening independent clause; in this case, the determining factor for the use of a comma is whether the dependent clause is restrictive or nonrestrictive.
According to the Chicago Manual of Style, a restrictive dependent clause is one that is “essential to the meaning of the main clause.” It shouldn’t be preceded by a comma. Following are two examples:
I’ll attend the conference if you will. [The restrictive dependent clause is "if you will."]
Andrew was thrilled when he heard about her new book. [The restrictive dependent clause is "when he heard about her new book."]
On the other hand, says Chicago, a nonrestrictive dependent clause “is merely supplementary” and should be preceded by a comma:
I have already made my reservation, if that interests you. [The nonrestrictive dependent clause is "if that interests you."]
People whose thoughts are mostly positive are happier than people whose thoughts are mostly negative, if you want my opinion. [The nonrestrictive dependent clause is "if you want my opinion."]
But what if you really can’t tell if a dependent clause is restrictive or nonrestrictive? In that case, Chicago advises using the comma.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Comma (after dependent clause)
As a general rule, use a comma when a dependent clause precedes an independent clause.
The sentence above is an example of the rule it describes!
“As a general rule” is incomplete; it can’t stand on its own. That makes it a dependent clause.
“Use a comma when a dependent clause precedes an independent clause” is complete; it can stand on its own. That makes it an independent clause.
The comma in the first sentence of this post is doing a legitimate job. It separates the dependent clause from the independent clause that follows it.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Comma (with coordinate adjectives)
Okay, folks. It’s time to tackle when and why to use the comma–and when and why not to use it.
I may as well jump right in with coordinate adjectives, “a pair or series of adjectives” about which the Copyeditor’s Handbook author Amy Einsohn writes:
In principle, coordinate adjectives are those that equally and independently modify a noun, and their coordinate status is marked by the presence of either the word and or a comma in between them.
Here’s an example:
They live off the grid in a remote, peaceful location.
The adjectives “remote” and “peaceful” are coordinate because they pass two tests: the sentence is still sensible (1) if you place and between them, and (2) if you reverse their order.
They live off the grid in a remote and peaceful location.
They live off the grid in a peaceful, remote location.
By contrast, it seems to me that most of the pairs of adjectives that are treated as coordinate in the sentences below don’t qualify as coordinate:
He had wavy, sun-bleached hair, a mouth too ripe for his short, upturned nose, and freckles, lots of them. (not qualified: wavy and sun-bleached hair; short and upturned nose)
She wore a loose, leopard-print sweater with the sleeves pushed up, black Capri pants, and high, backless heels with open toes. (not qualified: loose and leopard-print sweater; high and backless heels)
He picked up a tarnished, silver-plated table lighter and clicked the wheel. (not qualified: tarnished and silver-plated table lighter)
I would punctuate these sentences as follows:
He had wavy sun-bleached hair, a mouth too ripe for his short upturned nose, and freckles, lots of them.
She wore a loose leopard-print sweater with the sleeves pushed up, black Capri pants, and high backless heels with open toes.
He picked up a tarnished silver-plated table lighter and clicked the wheel.
Any thoughts?
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Dangling Modifier
A few weeks ago, I heard this ad on the radio:
Like most Americans, your bills are probably keeping you awake at night.
Take a good look at this sentence. Notice that unless your bills possess a kind of magic that empowers them to yell at you or shake you when you are trying to sleep, they are not keeping you awake. It’s worrying that’s keeping you awake.
There’s another problem, too. The ad compares “most Americans” to “your bills.” That’s nonsense, because most Americans certainly are not like your bills–or mine, either.
In the Copyeditor’s Handook, author Amy Einsohn explains why:
[When a sentence begins with a modifying phrase], the noun that heads the second clause must be the element that is being modified by the phrase in the first clause.
Here’s how to fix the dangling modifier:
Like most Americans, you probably lie awake at night worrying about your bills.
Another option is to turn the introductory modifying phrase into a dependent clause:
If you’re like most Americans, worrying about your bills is probably keeping you awake at night.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Skimpy Writing
For the past two weeks, I have been busy editing another book for the client of my dreams. I finished yesterday.
Though I couldn’t find time until now to post to my blog, I did find time to read mystery novels; I do some of my best reading just before bedtime, while soaking in a steaming hot bath.
And as a matter of fact, here is a sentence that captured my attention while I was relaxing in the tub one night:
Her knee-length shorts and crisp white shirt had the look of a British island colony.
Hm. This is the first time I have ever seen a British island colony compared to shorts and a shirt. The author probably meant (and expected readers to fill in?) something like this:
Her knee-length shorts and crisp white shirt gave her the look of a resident of a British island colony.
Or,
Dressed in knee-length shorts and a crisp white shirt, she looked like a resident of a British island colony.
Please understand that this isn’t intended to criticize the author, but to offer examples of common hazards all writers (and editors) face. It’s hard to capture thoughts and images in writing. I hope that this blog makes it a little easier.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
