Writing Tips
for clarity and concisenessArchive for September, 2008
Diagramming Sentences
I learned the rudiments of diagramming sentences when I was in grade school. Or was it junior high?
In any case, diagramming is a valuable tool for writers and editors who want to know not only how, but why, one way of putting thoughts on paper is “correct” English usage and another is not.
I often go to the web pages below to make sense of what’s going on in puzzling sentence constructions. Perhaps you will find them useful too.
Large powerpoint presentation
(the link to this presentation is at the center, and also at the bottom, of the page)
This last page offers a full menu of powerpoint presentations, for diagramming, punctuation, sentence fragments, quizzes, and more.
Enjoy!
Tara Treasurefield
Prepositional Phrase, Adverbial Phrase
Heard on the radio:
In a startling announcement, the New York Mint plans to release a limited number of $100 union silver coins to the public.
There’s only one thing wrong with this sentence: it doesn’t make sense.
The opening prepositional phrase, “In a startling announcement,” modifies the infinitive “to release.” By specifying where the mint will release the silver coins, this prepositional phrase is also an adverbial phrase. That’s fine. Prepositional phrases often double as adverbial phrases.
The problem is that there is no way to release silver coins in a startling announcement. You might release them in a bank, a restaurant, or even a drugstore, but definitely not in a startling announcement.
Here are two ways to make this sentence logical:
In a startling announcement, the New York Mint divulged plans to release a limited number of $100 union silver coins to the public.
See? Now “in a startling announcement” modifies “divulged.” It is logical to divulge plans in a startling announcement.
Here’s another option:
Recently, the director of the New York Mint made the startling announcement that the mint plans to release a limited number of $100 union silver coins to the public.
In this sentence, the prepositional phrase “At a recent press conference” doubles as an adverbial phrase. It modifies the verb “made” and tells readers where the director made the startling announcement. It is logical to make an announcement (startling or not) at a press conference.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
I or me?
Last week, I heard this on the radio:
We wonder how it’s going to impact you and I.
Oops. Wrong choice. The sentence should read like this:
We wonder how it’s going to impact you and me.
Why? Because “me” is the objective case of the pronoun “I,” and in this sentence, “you and me” are direct objects of the infinitive “to impact.”
To get a quick sense of whether to use the nominative I or the objective case me, it sometimes helps to eliminate distracting words and focus on the word in question:
We wonder how it’s going to impact I.
Sound odd? That’s a big hint that the objective case, not the nominative, is the correct choice.
Notice how it’s the presence of “you” in the original sentence that muddies the waters. The source of the confusion is that the nominative and objective forms of “you” are identical. In a sense, when the pronoun “you” is the first word of a compound object, speakers and writers can easily forget that any following pronouns will change form:
Not: We wonder how it’s going to impact you, he, and she.
But: We wonder how it’s going to impact you, him, and her.
Tip (from the Chicago Manual of Style, 15th edition):
. . . the English language has only seven words that have different nominative and objective forms: I/me, we/us, he/him, she/her, they/them, who/whom, and whoever/whomever.
These seven little words certainly cause a great deal of confusion!
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Words + Actions Tell All
As a young woman, I was ill-prepared to distinguish between relationships with real potential and the other kind. My favorite therapist, Dr. Ed Wortz—who was also my dreamwork mentor—gave me a hint:
If you listen and watch carefully, people will tell you which type of relationship it is.
It wasn’t long before I noticed plenty of material to test out Ed’s pronouncement.
At that time, I was intimately involved with Monty, who offered what I thought to be a relationship with terrific potential. He taught environmental studies at the college level, and my work was all about promoting conservation and renewable energy resources. What’s more, I believed that he was emotionally mature, because his father was a Freudian psychologist. Dismissing my reservations about Freudian psychology, I envisioned life with Monty, my future husband.
Monty lived about fifty miles away, and my work occasionally brought me to his town. After meeting with a few members of the City Council one day, I joined him and our mutual friend Jim for dinner at the home of one of Monty’s colleagues, Linda. Over the course of the evening, I followed Ed’s suggestion. Listening and watching carefully, I noticed that Monty and Linda had a great deal in common: they were both extremely reserved and self-assured, and they had similar tastes in music, art, and literature.
Feeling unsettled–okay, jealous–I tried to ease my discomfort by befriending Linda. When we had left the table and were having coffee and cookies, I stood in front of her, intending to initiate a conversation. She promptly took a step back and turned sideways. I find it difficult to communicate from the side and at a distance, so I stepped forward and again moved in front of her. Once again, she took a step back and turned sideways.
Puzzled, I stepped forward once again, and she again stepped back and turned sideways. You see the problem? I wasn’t capable of understanding Linda’s body language. But I was capable of watching it, as Ed had advised. And by the time Monty brought the bizarre non-conversation to an end by announcing that he needed to get home, I had finally learned to read the message that Linda’s body language was shouting: my hoped-for friendship with her had no potential.
After mulling over the events of that evening for a few days, I wrote Monty, telling him straight out that I thought our relationship had a lot of potential. The wiser part of me knew that it just wasn’t so. But I wanted to be sure.
Monty’s response arrived in the mail about a week later: he would have to think about whether or not our relationship had “lots of potential. ” The signature line was “Cordially, Monty.”
Even with that, I clung to my “happily-ever-after” fantasies about Monty until my friend and neighbor Lynn spoke the truth:
“Cordially” says it all!
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Comma (with coordinate conjunction)
This use of the comma is simple. If a coordinate conjunction (and, but, or) connects two independent clauses, insert a comma before the conjunction:
I prefer classical music, but Wilbur likes jazz.
I picked blackberries, and Alphonso went swimming.
When there is no coordinate conjunction between two independent clauses, punctuate with a semicolon, never a comma.
I picked blackberries; Alphonso went swimming.
I prefer classical music; Wilbur likes jazz.
Or, when you’ve got two independent clauses and no conjunction between them, you could use a period instead of a semicolon. If you do, be aware that you are promoting the independent clauses to sentences:
I picked blackberries. Alphonso went swimming.
I prefer classical music. Wilbur likes jazz.
What’s the difference? Emphasis. Degree of independence.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Blog Design
This morning I changed the design of this blog. With the previous design, the list of categories for my posts was way down at the bottom of the page. Now the categories are much closer to the top.
Does the new design work for you? I welcome your comments, positive or negative.
Thanks much,
Tara Treasurefield
Parallel Construction
Greetings!
This is a line from an ad I have heard on the radio:
It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive or the home you live in.
The sentence starts out fine:
It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive
but the writer (or editor) lost track with the next phrase,
or the home you live in.
The problem is that because the two phrases “car you drive” and “the home you live in” are objects of the preposition “of,” their construction needs to be parallel, like this:
“It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive or home you live in.”
See what’s different? Deleting “the” before “home” makes these two phrases parallel: it’s no longer “What kind of car . . . or the home” but “What kind of car . . . or home.”
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
Comma (be aware of the verb)
Here’s an intriguing example of when not to use a comma:
The secret pact that had saved them in their turbulent adolescent years, could spell his doom now.
Do you see the problem? The comma interrupts the flow of the sentence by popping up right before the verb phrase, “could spell his doom.” The sentence should read like this:
The secret pact that had saved them in their turbulent adolescent years could spell his doom.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio
