Writing Tips
for clarity and concisenessArchive for voice
Simplify–and also Clarify
Here is a sentence that would benefit from both weeding and clarifying:
Oil profits are being used for the purpose of buying back stocks in the oil companies, instead of developing alternatives.
To simplify this sentence, replace “for the purpose of” with “to”:
Oil profits are being used to buy back stocks in the oil companies, instead of developing alternatives.
To clarify it, change from passive voice to active voice:
Oil companies are using their huge profits to buy back their own stock, instead of investing in renewable energy alternatives.
Cheers,
Tara Treasurefield
disruptive phrase and passive voice
A misplaced phrase disrupts sentence flow. Here’s an example:
This tax, in virtually all cases, is collected by the county where the property is located.
To improve the flow, move the phrase to the beginning of the sentence:
In virtually all cases, this tax is collected by the county where the property is located.
Stop there if you like. But if you noticed that it’s people, not counties, that collect taxes, you may want to eliminate the passive voice, too:
In virtually all cases, the assessor in the county where the property is located collects this tax.
Now the sentence not only moves right along. It also alerts readers that the county assessor generally collects this tax.
But wait. What if some counties assign responsibility for collecting this tax to someone other than the assessor? What if some counties don’t even have a tax assessor?
Short of checking with every county in the state or nation, you can’t be sure. If accuracy matters to you, and it probably does, ignore the fact that a county is not a person and stick with the passive voice:
In virtually all cases, this tax is collected by the county where the property is located.
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
hazard!
Do you tend to use the active voice when you write? Or, do you prefer the passive voice? There are good reasons for both, and the following example provides a compelling reason to use the active voice.
Suppose that while editing an instruction set for a company that uses toxic chemicals, you come across this sentence: “All toxic chemicals are deposited in the appropriate receptacles.” You may well ask, “WHAT are the appropriate receptacles?” “WHERE are they?” And last but definitely not least, “WHO is responsible?”
Conscientious writer that you are, you will get the answers and write them down, in the active voice: “The Assistant Lab Technician deposits used toxic substances in the labeled receptacles in room 429 by 3:00 p.m. every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.” Of course, you will also provide details about safe handling procedures and protective clothing.
For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.
