repetition

Beware of words and phrases that you really like, as they invite repetition. In a novel that I was reading the other day, I came across two instances of unnecessary repetition in two pages.

One sentence read, “She could almost breathe in the past,” and the very next sentence began, “Now, she could almost see the tall wooden fort that had once stood on the hill.”

If the author or editor had noticed the repetition, he/she might have increased tension and interest by combining the two sentences above into one: “Breathing in the past, she could almost see the tall wooden fort that had once stood on the hill.”

On the next page, the repetition was in one sentence: “Faint sounds of a vehicle brought her thoughts back to the present, and the village dissolved back to two acres of ground littered with evidence of past habitation.”

A possible fix might look something like this:

“Faint sounds of a vehicle brought her thoughts back to the present, and her vision dissolved into a harsh reality: the once-vibrant village was now just two acres of ground littered with evidence of past habitation.”

 

For more free writing tips and guidelines, free articles, and a free introductory consultation, visit Treasurefield Communications.

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About 123clear

I translate foggy information into plain English.
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