Simplify–and also Clarify

serpentHere is a sentence that would benefit from both weeding and clarifying:

Oil profits are being used for the purpose of buying back stocks in the oil companies, instead of developing alternatives.

To simplify this sentence, replace “for the purpose of” with “to”:

Oil profits are being used to buy back stocks in the oil companies, instead of developing alternatives.

To clarify it, change from passive voice to active voice:

Oil companies are using their huge profits to buy back their own stock, instead of investing in renewable energy alternatives.

Cheers,

Tara Treasurefield

Treasurefield Communications

Advertisements

About 123clear

I translate foggy information into plain English.
This entry was posted in active, clear thinking, clutter, conciseness, passive, voice. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s