Concise Sentence Structure

A quick example on this lucky Friday the 13th:

President Bush has threatened Iran with military action if it fails to stop enriching uranium.

There are no grammatical errors in this sentence. But “if it fails to stop” twists my mind around. It would be more direct to put it like this:

President Bush has threatened Iran with military action unless it stops enriching uranium.

Or like this:

President Bush has threatened Iran with military action if it continues enriching uranium.

Questions? Comments?

Tara Treasurefield
Tara’s Writing Studio

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About 123clear

I translate foggy information into plain English.
This entry was posted in clutter, conciseness, sentence structure, word usage. Bookmark the permalink.

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